all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
