Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize