So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
how does that bad decision feel?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
