...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
