I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
this is an emotional support booty call
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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