so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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