Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
