If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
