"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Randomize
