Pants 0. Shit 1.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
