1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
