I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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