i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
