I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
