i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
