Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
if you like me you must not know who I am
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
