I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
