I think my fart just growled at me.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
