i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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