Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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