omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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