so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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