Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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