I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Randomize
