is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
