with your own penis?
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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