Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
