at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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