Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
