After last night, I could never be a politician.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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