You don't have asthma, your pregnant
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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