Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
