im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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