do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
