She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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