It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
