dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
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Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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