Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Boobs speak an international language.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
