i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
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I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
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If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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