there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
