if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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