I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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