I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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