my mouth tastes like poor choices
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
