I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
