i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
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