It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
