I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
