i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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