Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
