I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
