If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
