Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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