How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
