We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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