Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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