I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
