one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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