If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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