I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
