Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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