Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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