What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
