I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
