Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
