you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
