I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i out mim tonsoeep
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