He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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