I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
