im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
