i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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