I met the friendliest cop last night
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
