If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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