Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
