My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
there is glitter all over my balls
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