Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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