so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
