just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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