so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
