my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
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my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
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Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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