I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
