i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
