He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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